


To Be Worthy Again

by Psianabel



Series: Apprentice AU [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: F/F, Larxene struggling with her recompleted self, Post KH3: Apprentice AU, Pre-Relationship, and Aqua is the friend she needs, originally written for Missed Connections: A Kingdom Hearts Rarepair zine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 20:01:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20954102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psianabel/pseuds/Psianabel
Summary: After everything that has happened, Larxene has troubles to accept her recompleted self and the memories she received back from a long time ago. Remembering their goal of rescuing Strelitzia, Lauriam and Larxene sought out the one Keyblade Master to teach them the ways of the Keyblade again, only for Larxene to realize that she's unable to summon it anymore.Little could she have known that her encounter with Aqua would be so much more than a few teaching lessons.





	To Be Worthy Again

“Don’t forget to breathe.”  
  
Larxene opened her eyes with a surprised gasp, being met with Aqua looking right at her, stern and regal, but still a concerned expression on her face. She slightly shook her head and stepped a bit closer to Larxene, patting her on her shoulder.  
  
“It’s alright. Just try it again. I know you can do it.”  
  
Gritting her teeth, Larxene nodded and turned around from her, her eyes getting lost into the distance of the Main Hall. Lauriam stood there in the far distance, keyblade in hand, practicing what it seemed like his next move of his new combo.  
  
The Keyblade...  
  
Larxene knew she had it in her, that she could wield one. She did it before, she remembered now, just like Lauriam did. But no matter how many times she tried to summon it, grasping onto the faint memories of her wielding it, how it felt in her hand– it never came. A simple flash of light and that was it, nothing more.  
  
But that was progress already, at least. When coming to the Land of Departure, her mind was a blank state– she simply followed Lauriam’s instinct while she tried to fill the gaps in her memories, making sense of everything that happened, why they did what they have done–  
  
Making sense of what their true goal actually was. And for that they needed their keyblades back, in an attempt to reclaim their past identity. While Lauriam didn’t hesitate to ask Aqua if she could train him and help him coming back to his keyblade wielder roots, Larxene didn’t want anything to do with it, watching from afar to figure things out her own way.  
  
As if she needed help from anyone in the first place.  
  
Aqua accepted her decision and took her in regardless, keeping her distance and only kept an eye on her if she truly looked like she needed company.  
  
Over time, though, Larxene had to agree that getting _ some _ tips wouldn’t be all that bad and let Aqua into her space, enjoying her warm company, the small talks they did –only then Larxene made notable progress, the flashes of light in her hand appearing regularly now as she tried to summon her keyblade.  
  
Still, it was a long way to go and Larxene was never the person to be patient.  
  
Aqua told her over and over to take it slow, that everyone learned at their own pace and that she shouldn’t stress herself out just because Lauriam was faster in learning how to summon it again than her.  
  
It was easier said than done.  
  
Anger rose in her whenever Larxene saw Lauriam with his keyblade, she was happy for him, and yet–  
  
“Larxene?”  
  
She huffed, averting her eyes by closing them. There was no point of getting angry, it wouldn’t help her situation and she knew that.  
  
Her hands shook and she clenched them into fists, extending her right arm to prepare for her next try. Aqua watched her closely, the energy radiating from Larxene even noticeable to her from that distance, a force that had been bubbling inside her since she took her attempts more serious, getting stronger with each day.  
  
It was only a matter of time, will, and acceptance of her past.  
  
Aqua waited. And waited, but nothing came from Larxene but a tiny flash of light in her hand that dissolved right away, the energy from before gone in an instant. Larxene put her arm down again and shook angrily her head, gritting her teeth as she clenched her fists to the point her knuckles went white.  
  
“Hey–” Aqua stepped closer to her, wanting to reach out to her as she sensed her turmoil, but Larxene blocked her approach by lifting her arms to her side, making Aqua stop in her tracks.  
  
“It’s useless. Worthless. A waste of time.” Larxene mumbled under her breath and simply took a turn, making her way out of the hall without giving Aqua or Lauriam another look.

* * *

  
The nights in the Land of Departure were always filled with a cloudless sky, the bright stars an eyecatcher each night. And each night Aqua took her usual tour through the land, checking if everything was still in place– just to make sure, to give her ease for the night. A habit she developed since she came back here, even though she knew things were finally good now.  
  
It took her just a trip down the mountain, along the waterfall and behind the trainings equipment, to spot Larxene sitting at edge of the hill, alone, facing the vast forest that stretched around the mountains of the Land of Departure. Aqua watched her as she took her route around the mountains, contemplating with herself if she should come forward to her –  
  
They didn’t part well today on Larxene’s part, she didn’t show up for dinner, nor made any attempts to speak to someone else. This wasn’t the first time it happened, Larxene’s temper wasn’t something to meddle with, but every time something like this happened, Aqua couldn’t just ignore it.  
  
There were deep-rooted issues Larxene was fighting with. Her coming back as a human and being confronted by all these overwhelming memories of her past was one thing, accepting her wrong-doings as a Nobody and coming to peace who she actually was now was another. No one should be going through that alone, but Larxene had a hard time letting anything through –always in her life –yet the mask she still carried slowly cracked under the remembrance of her past, making her feel vulnerable to the point where she just wanted to run away.  
  
Larxene knew she couldn’t ignore anything that was catching up with her and Aqua was aware of the struggles she went through, unsure what to do other than to offer her quiet companionship.  
  
And most of the time it was that what Larxene appreciated the most when her mood dropped into the abyss. Aqua’s comforting presence got her to the surface again. Over and over, each time one step closer to what she was fighting for. That small flicker of light burning brighter each time it happened was something Aqua was looking for, the sign that things were going better for her and that she was not alone in this. It resonated in her heart, made her feel warm –and brought a smile on her face.  
  
Aqua still watched her from afar as she finished her tour, her heart knowing what to do. She shook her head briefly before she made her way towards her, carefully approaching her.  
  
“Hey.” Aqua said as she stood a few meters away from her, and Larxene straightened her back at the sudden voice behind her, turning around to see Aqua smiling at her. “Mind if I join you for a bit?”  
  
Larxene looked at her with wide eyes, startled at the sudden intervention, but she dropped her strained shoulders in an instant once she realized it was just Aqua, wanting to give her company once again. She smiled and turned around again, dropping her head to a nod. “Make yourself comfortable.”  
  
A comfortable silence grew between them, both of them staring into the night sky. A fresh breeze swept through them and Larxene bent her knees to her chest, covering herself from the incoming night air –but Aqua didn’t miss the deep exhale from her, once she accustomed to the temperatures.  
  
“Look, I–” Larxene started after some time of silence, her head ducked low. “I’m not good at this whole apologizing thing, but I shouldn’t have run off like that. I guess I was just...angry.”  
  
Aqua hummed in response, turning her head towards her. “Were you angry at Lauriam or at yourself?”  
  
The question left Larxene with an open mouth, unable to respond the jumble of thoughts she had running in her head. It was true that the source of her anger came from seeing Lauriam training with his keyblade, yet it spiraled quickly into something that was far beyond that.  
  
“...A mix of both.” She finally answered after a break of thinking. “All I can think of is that I’m so far behind him in accepting who I am, that I can’t summon my keyblade just because of that. He went with his old name right away the second we woke up again, not a single hint of regret in his choice. And here I am, unable to even use my past name, because I just–” Her voice broke, but she swallowed and shook her head. “...I’m not the person I once was, I don’t deserve to go back to using that name. Too much has happened, I can’t–”  
  
Larxene let her knees go from her chest and sighed deeply, closing her eyes to collect herself. “I’m sorry to drop this so suddenly on you. There has been a lot of things in my mind lately.”  
  
“It’s fine, really.” Aqua reached out to her and simply rubbed over her shoulder, feeling her tension. “Looks like you need to talk about it to get a clear mind of it. There is nothing wrong with that.”  
  
A hum of appreciation came from Larxene and Aqua continued. “It’s okay if you’re not the same person you once were. Some events we experience change who we are completely, and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it, especially if darkness is in play. To realize you have changed and be aware of what is different now –it takes a lot to do that and I’m proud that you are able to see that for yourself.”  
  
A small smile played on Larxene’s lips at those words, her heart fluttering at the praise. Aqua’s words always did her good, she clung on them to keep her mind in order, to keep herself uphold.  
  
How she should pay her back for all of this, she had no idea.  
  
She sank back again though, her mind still running.  
  
“Am I still worthy of wielding a keyblade after everything that I have done?”  
  
The question threw Aqua out of the loop, completely turning to her as she tried to find suitable words. She knew this answer would be important to her, the words she chose now would stick with her. Reaching out to her again, she pointed at the middle of her chest, making Larxene looking at her hand and then to her.  
  
“That’s for you to decide. If you believe it enough, it might one day become true. I know because it was true for me. Your heart knows the answer.”  
  
Larxene started to smile again and it turned quickly into a grin before she let out a hearty laugh. “From which fairy tale did you get that?”  
  
Aqua had to giggle herself, her answer coming off cheesier than she thought. “I learned it from a dear friend of mine. Her believes were so strong, it moved the hearts of others easily.”  
  
“I see, I see.” Larxene still grinned, taking Aqua’s words to heart nevertheless, even though it wasn’t exactly her style of how to do things. Ultimately it was her choice, and believing in herself would benefit her mental state regardless, there was no downside to it.  
  
Her heart was lifted, more at ease after she talked the heaviness inside her out. Her mind wandered off to a different thing she had been thinking about–  
  
“You know,” Larxene started again, the tension in her shoulder finally loose. “since I came here, you always managed to get me up again after I hit rock bottom. I...never asked for it and yet–”  
  
_ And yet you always come back to me, making me smile and laugh _ , _ my heart flutter. _  
  
Her words stopped and she gestured in the air, trying to express what she couldn’t say. Aqua could only watch her, feeling the trouble in her words. It let her mind wander as well, a mutual understanding flowing through her.  
  
“You’re the first person who actually listens to me, taking my words and advice to heart... see me as an equal instead of the broken Keyblade Master I’ve become.”  
  
The hurt in Aqua’s words was unmissable and it was Larxene’s turn now to face her. Aqua ducked her head low and she slightly twitched at Larxene’s sudden touch on her shoulder, a comfortable warmth rushing through her as she started to trace over skin.  
  
“Didn’t mean to let this become such a heart-to-heart talk.” Her words were filled with that grin of hers and Aqua had to mirror her smile at those words.  
  
“Sorry, didn’t mean to.”  
  
“You’re fine, Aqua, really.”  
  
Larxene dropped her hand as she saw Aqua’s smile, turning towards the sky again. It got a lot darker and more and more stars were visible now, and Aqua couldn’t help it but to look at the reflections in her eyes, mesmerized by it –quickly shaking her head as she noticed her staring, watching the sky as well.  
  
There was something on Larxene she couldn’t put her fingers on, a turmoil inside her that always wanted her to be close to her, offer her companionship, lend her an ear –and Larxene let her in, accepting what Aqua gave her, fueling the warmth that radiated inside her whenever she thought of her.  
  
Aqua was sure of what she felt, yet her mind was a mess, not wanting to mess this friendship up. There were still so many things that needed to be said and sorted out, fearing she pushed Larxene in a direction she wasn’t ready yet.  
  
But they just had a “heart-to-heart” talk, one more confession couldn’t hurt. Her heart was screaming to tell her the truth and maybe it was time Aqua listened to her own advice.  
  
“...I like spending time with you. Even if it’s just talking or...sitting together.”  
  
Aqua didn’t dare to say more and she was sure a slight blush appeared on her cheeks, grateful for the low lighting coming from behind their backs that hopefully covered her reddened skin. She ducked her head low as Larxene turned her head to her, a generous smile on her face.  
  
“Must be why you always come back to me, huh.” Her words were close to a whisper and Aqua shivered as Larxene shifted closer to her, their shoulders brushing together as Larxene leaned onto her hand behind Aqua’s back. “Almost makes me speechless.”  
  
There was a shift in her tone, softer yet more vulnerable like it was before. Aqua lifted her head up as she saw Larxene staring into the distance, lost in thought, waiting for her to say anything.  
  
“I don’t think...I ever told you how your light feels so similar to hers.”  
  
_ Strelitzia. _ Her name immediately sprang into Aqua’s head. And suddenly, her hesitation towards this topic made sense.  
  
“It’s comforting, warm, radiating with the same energy.” Larxene continued, but her voice started to crack more and more. “I don’t want you to think that–”  
  
_ That I’m only drawn to you because you share this similarity. _  
  
Her words cut off again and Aqua immediately noticed her struggle to finish this sentence, but she was aware what she meant and what she wanted to say. The flicker of light coming from her spoke the truth and Aqua embraced it, their hearts touching.  
  
Aqua rubbed over her back to calm her and Larxene relaxed under her touch, smiling to her in comfort.  
  
“Once she is back, you can come clear about this. There is no rush.”  
  
Larxene slowly nodded, humming to agree with her. "First, I have to save Strelitzia. And after that things will be back to normal.”  
  
"You have a goal you can stick to. And whatever comes after that...you still have time to figure out." Aqua assured her, Larxene’s light shining brighter than ever before, capturing her in her own.

Larxene leaned closer to her, almost leaning her head onto Aqua’s shoulder, smiling. "But I think I already know what my answer is."  
  
“I might have an idea.”  
  
Aqua took her courage together and leaned her head onto Larxene, giving her the little push she needed to lay her head onto her shoulder, accepting what her heart told her.  
  
Even though she would definitely take the time Aqua gave her to sort out whatever she was feeling, Larxene couldn’t wait for the day she could embrace what her mind was set on. And if anything, this night today would definitely be edged inside her, helping her to come clear who she was now–  
  
Aqua let her see she was worth of being loved again.  
  



End file.
